Guess I should probably update this every now and then huh?  These updates are a retrospective which helps to remember, but also are not a true indication of where I really am in my journey.  Right now things are hard, in the beginning they were easy (easier?)  Its a rough journey.  Many ups and downs.  Just when you think it's good, something new hits.  So I continue......

Port is in, and word is spreading.  There is no easy way to tell people you have cancer so you do one of two things, you spit it right out or you let the grapevine do it's thing and deal with it then.  I did both.  At work I told bosses and the people I worked with in my main offices and let the rest spread as it may.  With friends I went out to dinners and lunches, spit it out and answered questions as best I could.  The one thing that is surprising is once you say you have cancer, people come out of the woodwork that either are survivors themselves or are friends or relatives of survivors.  It was helpful to have a few co-workers to guide me through the beginning steps, one in particular who has gone through breast cancer.  Just a shoulder to lean on when the initial diagnosis came through and an office to go to where someone understood was appreciated.

January 19, Meeting with the doctors and nurses to get to know ya.  Lets just say two of the three doctors were good.  The oncologist layed out the plan.  Two thumbs up.  Something to follow.

The plan.  Adriamycin and Cytoxan otherwise known as "The Red Devil" every 2 weeks for 4 rounds, then Taxol every week for 12 weeks.  After chemo comes surgery, then radiation.

The surgeon.....ummmm.....told me to get my affairs in order.  What?  Thankfully she comes from MD Anderson and is a good surgeon.  Bedside manner aside.  Radiologist was told we need some good news and pep talking.  She took her time and explained everything where at the end we felt better and much more positive.  She asks if she is now my current favorite, of course ;)

Scary visit....the nurse.  What I can do, what I can't.  What I can eat, what I can't.  Where I can go, where I can't.   Now I'm kind of scared. Only very cooked meat, no shell fish, wash WELL in vinegar all veggies and fruit, no sugar, no leftovers, no buffets, limited eating out, avoid crowds, avoid kids (germs, sick), cold and flu season watch for coughs, yikes!  Best to just stay home and be locked away.

January 20 - My co-workers are the best!  Day before my first chemo they show me some great support, as they have from the beginning.  They throw me a pre-chemo party.  Loaded with all the goodies I'm not going to be eating much of again, and gifts that will be very useful.  Books, sanitizer, gloves, mints, flowers, it was wonderful.

Thursday January 21-First day of Chemo.
Round 1 Chemo, You would think I was there for having a baby or something exciting.......

My day starts by out by dabbing lidocane on my skin over the port covering with saran wrap (highly technical).  Drop Lola off to spend he day with Grandpa, then head to the hospital, wait in line for labs, the first punch through was nervewracking, then a visit with the doctor, before heading to the day hospital for my wait with FAR too many other people for chemo.  Met with the nutritionist for the do's and dont's.  Back to get Lola, then home sweet home.  Day total hours 9 hours. Long and tiring.  Time for a nap.  For those that have not met Lola, she likes to nap too.  :)


Friday work was great.  Felt fine after sleeping Thursday, this was going to work.  I had the weekend to recoup from chemo and my Friday afternoon Neulasta shot.  This shot is quick and straight in the belly.  Its to make sure the white cell count stays up since the chemo tends to knock them down.  Possible side effects, achy bones which Claritin should help with.  Two weeks before my next chemo, piece of cake.  Right?  Sure........

 Finally the weekend with no testing, no doctors, no nothing.  I get to go to a 50th birthday party for a friend something normal.  Except for I can't eat anything its a Buffett, drink anything no alcohol and soda tastes bad. and now I need to be afraid of people, who is sick and who is not.  Nice.

Monday morning, back to work.  A little tired but who isn't on Monday, right?  I've got my hand sanitizer out,  my Lysol spray, and a small barrier between me and the kids, let's do this.  (I work as a Secretary at a high school guidance office.)  My plan is to work through chemo taking off for appointments and only days I'm too sick to work.  So far so good.  My only problem, I've become afraid to eat.  I was the leftover queen of our house and now I'm leary of anything that doesn't come in a can, or isn't absolutely made fresh in front of me.

Tuesday, not as easy as Monday.  The nausea I was warned about with AC has kicked in.  I have three different types of meds to help fight it.  I can do this.  Off to work with my meds.  I push through and make it.  Wednesday is better, Thursday even better.  Whew.  Made it.  Good thing because Thursday is a big day.

Thursday night I cut my hair short and took my hair before the chemo does.  Its the first step so when it comes time to take it shorter it will be easy for my husband to shave it down.  I admit, I cried on the way to my hairstylist.  Its taken us a long time to get my hair just the way we like it.  I worry I may never see that again.  Thankfully, she is a magician with hair and I know when it does come back, we will come up with something equally fantastic.  I may even stay gray this time....or not ;)



On to Friday, an equally exciting day.  Friends have set up a gathering at a local bar of more friends to show support.  It was suppose to be a few friends shaving heads, having some drinks and laughs.  Its kind of grown from there.  I'm nervous with the attention, believe it or not I really am a rather private person.  This is way more than I wanted or expected.  I do this for friends, family and my husband.  They need a way to show support and he appreciates the support.  I do too, just too much attention.

It will definitely be a good last hoorah before delving deeply into this fight.

Friday at work was a good day.  I felt great.  This was going to work for chemo, only on day of sickness and I pushed through it.  I rebounded well and was feeling good with a full week before my next round.  Eating was a little difficult, but I would have to work on that.  The pounds are starting to come off a little faster than I want.  The weekend is almost here and I'm in a good mood and there is a party tonight, what could go wrong?

Darn blogs.  Have to remember to hit save.  Ugh.  Anyway.

January 11- Confirmation.  Now to tell family and friends, but how?  I have cancer, pass the salt?  Not so easy.  Especially when you don't have all the answers they want.  To date all we really know is I have IBC, and we know very little about that.  The nurse practionioner called me at work and confirmed, then said I needed to pick a surgeon and a radiologist.  I was assigned to my oncologist, Dr. Chitumbar.  If I had a fingernail of his smarts.....

Bob has handled texts, emails and phone calls up to this point.  Thankfully.  Right now the last thing I want to be doing is answering questions.  What kind, what stage, what are they going to do, how can this happen, how did you know, when did you know, and the best, what's the prognosis.  All legitimate questions, not something I want to think about.  My job, to tell my sister and brother I have the same disease that took our mother at 64, not looking forward to that.

Meeting the doc was interesting as he layed out the plan, that I can do.  Tell me what I have to do, show me the plan, and I can work with that.  So he did. The plan consists of chemo.  It could be easy chemo first or not so easy chemo first.  Waiting on the blood tests to come back to see if I am HER2 positive or negative, another twist.  Since I continue to be unique, my test comes back that I am a triple negative breast cancer, only 10 to 20% Link of cancers are TNBC.  Yep, that's me, unique.  Hard chemo first and no boosters as no estrogen, progesteron, or HER2 receptors for me.

Next blood draw, since I'm a triple negative, genetics.  While my mother had IBC, apparently the triple neg really is the interest for genetics to have me tested.  Vials pulled, and sent to California.  Luckily as well, my insurance company is a sponsor of the genetics testing.  In a brief conversation with the genetics counselor she tells us 3 years ago the were only testing 3 genes, they are now up to 17, and growing.  Science is amazing.  This one makes me nervous, and it will take the longest.  Oh well, on to more testing.

Next steps were an echocardiogram, a CT scan a bone scan, and a brain scan to see if there was any spread.  I now know where all my arthritis is located, I have a brain, and a strong heart.  Two thumbs up.  After several days of waiting, finally some good news, NO spread!  I am Stage 3 Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  Stage 3 because it's IBC, it's an automatic stage 3, not higher because we caught it before it spread.  I finally have something definitive to tell people.  He tells me the type of chemo I will take, the amount of weeks, and how we work after.  I'm ready.  Monday, January 18th,  I get my port.  Lets kill this beast.

This little devise will be my friend for some time to come.  It goes in with a quick day surgery, and is now under my skin until the doc says we are done.  When I report for my chemo days, they draw blood from it and put the chemo directly in it.  As long as things work properly, we are friends.  ;-)

Only the first punch hurts......  :)

Time to tell people, pass the salt.

Its been 20 days since I noticed the cancer.