Written yesterday:
Well where to begin.......First and foremost. I thought I wrote about this already but apparently not and it's very important I do even if it's late. The first weekend of June my oldest daughter participated in the Avon 39. This is a walk for awareness and fundraiser for breast cancer that is done in several cities each year. The first step after signing up is to prepare your body for a grueling, two day, 39 mile walk. It takes months to build your psyche and stamina up to handle a full day of doing nothing but walking. The second step is the mandatory fundraising of $1800, which she was able to do and exceed before the start of the walk. She participated in Chicago. We met her at several intervals through the city and at the finish lines. Day one was tough as it was raining lightly throughout the day, not good for the feet. She slept in a tent, in a field, and tended to her blisters. Day two was much nicer weatherwise, not so much for the feet. Thankfully she met a young lady along the way and they walked to the finish, up to this point she had done all this on her own. To say I'm proud of her would be an understatement. She showed courage and determination to work through all the obstacles and finish the 39.3 miles. The ceremony after was confirmation that it's worthwhile with the presentation of checks to local groups receiving money, including surrounding states. Way to go Sydney!
Last we spoke I was almost ready for Surgery, or so I thought. Was very apprehensive going in, like I just wanted to call the whole thing off. I tried to keep myself busy the days leading up to surgery, but anyone that's had major surgery knows that doesn't really work. But the yard got done almost to my satisfaction.
The day before surgery we had a small family gathering for youngest daughters 22nd birthday, always nice to see family. The morning of surgery I painted my toenails, got my packed bag and off we went.
Upon arrival everything went so fast, my family didn't even get a chance to arrive. I was taken in the back, given a pregnancy test 😵 and got changed into my beautiful gown. I was given some meds to help me calm down. After a short stay the anesthesiologist was ready for me, so I gave my husband a kiss and said see you shortly. We would meet up while waiting for the surgeons.
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| Arrival to the hospital |
Back in anesthesology they are prepping me for the block, explaining what they are doing along the way. This will work for many hours beyond surgery for pain relief. They were so very nice and calming until....surgeons are ready for me. What?! The block isn't in and I haven't had a chance to see my girls!!! I'm texting my husband trying to find out if the girls have arrived, and explaining they are ready for me. Just like a high school teacher talking to a kid, the anesthesiologist looks at me (with THAT look) and says are you finished with that phone, we are ready to administer the block. I explain my situation with my girls, text my husband I loved him and I have to go. Phone handed over, like a naughty child.
With more urgency, they gave me a block for my right side (the affected breast and nodes to be removed). They take a small needle and jab it in your shoulder while looking in a screen to find the right nerve and then juice it with numbing juice. Can you say Ouch? While I'm being distracted by a very nice assistant, sort of, another assistant has gone to get my family. They all made it and are going to meet me in the hall as they roll me down. Fun fitting all of give us in one elevator with a bed, and two attendants, we are not little people, especially with a full backpack added.
I kiss my family and off they go. I'm now alone with my thoughts, drugged, sore, and scared. My surgeon comes in and starts marking me up, plastic surgery comes in and they discuss what is going to happen and coordinate for future reconstruction, there will be some skin left in the center, tucked, for future use. When alone with my surgeon I ask if I'm doing the right thing by taking them both and she assures me I am. She leaves, I cry. I am now visited by a different anesthesiologist, who holds my hand and talks so calmy I'm ready. My surgeon comes back in with her group of surgeons, I ask her to make sure she gets it all, she smiles and says she will and off we go. I'm in the operating room, moved on the operating table, answer a question or two, and then I'm in recovery. Just like that.
I dont remember recovery. I get moved to my room and my family is informed. My oldest daughter and husband are left. We talk for awhile and then one by one they leave. I order food I can't eat, then I sleep off and on all night. Throughout the night I'm visited by the attendant who removes my catheter, and cleans my drains. The drains are a tube coming out of my side attached to a bulb. It is required to strip the tube into the bulb then measure the liquid. The bulb is squeezed, the top put on and it starts all over again. Once the mils are under 30 in a day, they get pulled out. (The camisole is a specialized one with pockets to hold the drains, and to keep some pressure and tightness on the surgical area. Eventually foobs can go in it if I wish.) I'm also visited by my nurse who takes my vitals and gives me my meds. Apparently during surgery my blood pressure went very low, so they monitor closely.
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| Uncle Fester leaving the hospital ;) |
I'm home now, propped on my chair, remote in hand and drugs on board. The next several days are a blur of sleep and TV. Sunday morning, the wraps comes off and I can finally shower. I finally get a full look at what happened to me. I cried. I am cut pretty much from armpit to armpit. It looks horrible to me, but in reality it is a nice job done. I take my shower, hanging my drains from a lanyard, get dressed in my PJs and put on my new camisole with pockets for my drains. Better.
Since that day I've gotten better and better. I've ventured out several times, gotten off pain meds, and started to try to do things around the house. All steps in the right direction. I'm still working on getting my arms raised.
Thursday, Aug 11, one week post surgery. I meet with my Oncologist to hear the pathology report. The day I've been waiting for, I get to say the letters NED, no evidence of disease. It all starts out well, clear margins around removal site, no spread of cancer there. 14 nodes removed all clean, no spread there. But....in the removed right breast tissue there were two minute tumors found. 💩💀 There goes NED. I will be put on Xeloda for 6 months after radiation. Xeloda has been found in a study out of Japan to help Triple Negatve breast cancer in the further defeats of cancer. A plus since to this point there was nothing.
The fight continues.
I request my drains to be pulled as they are producing little drainage, they agree to two. The first one on the left, piece of cake, only after the second on the right about sent me through the ceiling. They look innocent on the outside, like you're afraid you might pull it out if not careful. Yeah, no worry there, they are about six inches in your body wrapped around in your chest. And removal consists of "breathe in, now slowly breathe out." Yep that's all folks. See the dark patch midway in the tube, then the white tubing? Yeah, the white tubing, all of that and a bag of chips. Again, Ouch!......polite interpretation. ;)I'm now almost two weeks post op. I have one drain that will be removed tomorrow, thankfully. I meet with my surgeon for my follow up. I'm hoping to find out when I will be getting feeling back in my upper body and if the awful discomfort and numbness in my right arm is permanent, or how long before it gets better, and how much should I push to get my arms raised to be ready for radiation. Mostly I'm looking forward to working toward as much normalcy as I can get.
Thanks to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, and support. The battles continues to Kill the Beast.
Until next time. And did I mention, even though it may not look like it in the pictures, I have so much hair I actually have to brush it?! 👍👍
................STILL no eyebrows to speak of......... 😕
